THE CHURCH ACCOUNTANT RATED +18

THE CHURCH ACCOUNTANT SEASON 3 EPISODE 16- 20

Me: BankyEndowed…….Ah!!!!!! Alobam 1 of Jebba!!!

Stranger: how did you know my title?

Me: it is me. Mickey Mouse 101gbogboMokwa Land

Banky: ah!!!!!! Mickey Mouse!!!!!! So you are the one I am talking with???

Me: na me o.

Banky: how far?

Me: I dey bros

Banky: but how did you know Kafeeya???

Me: Kafeeya t’o n so yen is my church member

Banky: ok……. Okan mi seseba’le (I’m at ease now) bawoni??? Ki lo waseni’badan???

Me: I work at Centre for Faith and Liberty at Idi – ishin as the church accountant

 

Banky: Ile owo!!!! Wow you are lucky that you are working in that church.

 

Me: where are you working presently?

 

Banky: I am a certified hustler.

 

Me: O gbadun. But,ki lo walaariniwoati Kafeeya?

 

Banky: I had wanted to date her but she has been rebuffing my advances. So I decided that I will ensure that I frustrate the living daylight out of the guy that comes under her radar. But since it is you ma guy, I will release her on 1 condition that you will settle me wella.

 

ME: ok motigbo yin sir….

 

Banky: what about our wife?

 

Me: who?

 

Banky: your wife in school. Federal Government College New Bussa

 

Me: ah!!! Titilayo? She’s in Lokoja presently

 

Banky: you know say na you be her only friend then so……

 

Me: (cuts in) we are dating now.

 

Banky: wase’reomo. Mickey da Mike. With all your holy – holy in school, you dey eye dat girl?

 

Me: (laughs) you no well at all. I will store your number and call you later.

 

Banky: ok boss. I will be expecting your call.

 

Me: ok. Take care. Bye (call ends)

 

Later in the day, I received a surprise gift from someone. When I opened it, I saw five pieces of shirt, two packs of singlet and four boxer shorts alongside a small note. When I read the note, it was from Kafeeya. I called her

 

Me: how did you know that today is my birthday?

 

Kafeeya: check your Facebook. Your day and your update are there. (ends call)

 

I quickly checked my Facebook and I saw the beautiful cake she posted on my wall. I called her back

 

Me: thanks for the gifts and the cake.

 

Kafeeya: the cake is at home.

 

Me: your place or mine?

 

Kafeeya: when you get home.

 

(fast forward to evening)

 

When I got home, I saw Mrs Adedokun fuming in anger. When I greeted her she didn’t respond instead she asked me a question

 

Mrs Adedokun: what is between you and Sis Kafeeya?

 

Me: nothing. We are just friends in the church.

 

Mrs Adedokun: are you sure?

 

Me: 100% sure ma.

 

Mrs Adedokun: why didn’t you tell me that today is your birthday?

 

Me: I’m sorry ma. I’d planned not to celebrate it since Titilayo is not here.

 

Mrs Adedokun: (calms) ok. I thought you were having sex with Kafeeya

 

Me: nope. (I lied)

 

Mrs Adedokun: meet me inside for your birthday gift.

 

As soon as I entered my apartment, I received a call from Ifeoma

 

Ifeoma: Lover boy happy birthday. Even if you didn’t tell us

 

Me: thank you. How is Port – Harcourt?

 

Ifeoma: fine. But where are you?

 

Me: inside my apartment.

 

Ifeoma: my sister said that someone brought cake to the house for you.

 

Me: yes. Mummy Praise brought the cake for me

 

Ifeoma: why are you doing this accountant?

 

Me: can’t I tell someone to do cake for me? Or why the unnecessary question?

 

Ifeoma: but……

 

Me: but what??? I’m sleeping with her abi???

 

Ifeoma: Mike I am not saying that but….

 

Me: please I am tired and I need to rest. If you that we are not dating could be this possessive, how will Titilayo feel?

 

Ifeoma: Mike, don’t make me…..

 

Me: angry!!!

 

Ifeoma: as I said, I am possessive about my thing; and I don’t want to share it with……

 

I hissed at her and ended the call.

 

As soon as I entered the main building, Mrs Adedokun came to give me a hug

 

Mrs Adedokun: happy birthday Mike.

 

Me: thank you ma.

 

As she wanted to talk, a call came into my phone

 

Me: hello

 

Kafeeya: happy birthday. I want to come to your house with praise and her friend.

 

Me: ok. I will be expecting the three of you.

 

Kafeeya: hope you haven’t cooked food?

 

Me: nope. (looking at Mrs Adedokun) except if Mummy has prepared food for everyone

(mrs Adedokun poked me at the back)

 

Kafeeya: ok…. But all the same we are coming.

 

Me: ok. I have heard you. (call ends)

 

As soon as the call ended, mrs Adedokun faced me

 

Mrs Adedokun: Mike, she said she’s coming

 

Me: yes with Praise and the other girl.

 

Mrs Adedokun: I want to spend your birthday with you alone.

 

Me: I will try to discharge her on time

 

Kafeeya came in about 10 minutes later with the kids. We danced, sang and ate; as if she read Mrs Adedokun mind, she quickly left the place for her house. As soon as she left, I got a whatsapp notification from Titilayo informing me of a Skype call. I excused myself from Mrs Adedokun and went to my apartment. When I entered, I initiated the Skype call with her

 

Me: Iyawoolojoibi, you no come to Ibadan to celebrate with your husband.

 

Titilayo: ma binusi mi. you know that it is not easy, taking permission from work and travelling to come and celebrate with you

 

Me: ok

Titilayo: well, Ifeoma called me to report something to me. Who is Kafeeya?

 

Me: Sis Kafeeya is a sister in the church that I contracted to bake cake for me (I lied) when the cake was ready, she had to take it home to drop it there. In – fact Mrs Adedokun saw the cake and even commented on the cake

 

Titilayo: but what is going on between you and Ifeoma??? Mike you have to tell me the truth. Because I suspect you are lying.

 

Me: (getting angry) what is the meaning of that statement? So I should not interact with church members; or church members should not do anything/transact business with them abi???

 

Titilayo: this is the problem I always have with you Mike. You get flared up easily……

 

Me: I know Ifeoma or her sister would have reported me to you

 

Titilayo: nobody reported you to me

 

Me: how didyou know someone gave me a cake then?

 

Titilayo: check your wall on Facebook

 

Me: I have seen the cake…..she uploaded it this morning.

 

Titilayo: did you see what she wrote on the post?

 

I quickly rushed to see what she wrote; I was shocked and surprised because she wrote “to an angel……with love” and inserted a love smiley.

 

Me: Titilayo, I don’t know why you should be angry at what a person wrote on my wall. For your information, she is a single mother of a four year old girl. Funny enough, she is a chorister in the church where I work. So how will I be that stupid to date her under the very nose of your sister – in – law (I lied); and Mrs Adedokun knows her very well.

 

Titilayo: it was Ifeoma that informed me and…….

 

Me: and what Titi? Baby, don’t spoil my day for me; I will call you back later (ends call)

 

I wanted to send an SMS to Ifeoma but I decided to play it cool. I returned to the main building to meet Mrs Adedokun. As soon as I got to the main building, Mrs Adedokun ushered me in. I refused to sit down.

 

Mrs Adedokun: Accountant what happened?

 

Me: Please did you call Ifeoma to tell her about the cake?

 

Mrs Adedokun: yes I did. I couldn’t imagine someone outside will be sharing my “thing”

 

Me: that is very good ma. It’s like we should put an end to what we have been doing.

 

Mrs Adedokun: put an end to what?

 

Me: the sexcapedes between us

 

Mrs Adedokun: Accountant, you are joking.

 

Me: Ma, I’m dead serious

 

Mrs Adedokun: so you want to rebuff my advances after eating me abi??? You will not do such again

 

Me: (sarcastic) Well, thank you for today….. I’m really tired and I want to go and sleep (turns to leave)

 

I carried the cake and was leaving. Mrs Adedokun grabbed my arms and looking into my eyes intently

 

Mrs Adedokun: Mike, I am sorry for my actions today. To be candid, your c^ck is sweeter than honey.

 

Me: Mrs Adedokun, I have heard you.

 

Mrs Adedokun: please call me Chinyere.

 

Me: ok I’ve heard you Sis. Chinyere.

 

I gave her a peck on her cheek and went inside my apartment.

 

The following day in the office, the new Associate Pastor (AP) was introduced to us in the church. Also he was allocated his office and immediately he settled down, I heard a buzz on my intercom

 

Me: hello sir

 

AP: This is the Associate Pastor. Please come into my office. (call ends)

 

I went to meet him in the office. As soon as I entered his office and greeted him

 

AP: Accountant, I want you to be submitting daily fund position to my desk every morning before devotion.

 

Me: sir, you are not the Head of Station that I should be giving the daily Imprest position to. So…..

 

AP: do you want to dare me Accountant?

 

I kept quiet because I don’t want to create a scene. Immediately I left his office and went inside my office. I tried calling the Senior Pastor but his number wasn’t going through. Few hours later, the Senior Pastor called me and as I got to his office I met the Associate Pastor with him discussing.

 

SP: Accountant, what is it I am hearing this morning? Associate Pastor said that you should be submitting a report to him and you refused.

 

Me: Sir, he is requesting for DFP

 

SP: (turning to the AP) ARE YOU THE HEAD OF STATION???

 

AP: Sir, in my former station, the DFP is always being done and I always have a copy of it.

 

SP: Lailai. It is only the Head of Station that is entitled to it.

 

Me: Sirs. I want to take my leave.

 

SP: Henceforth, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SUBMIT THE DFP TO ME AND TO ME ALONE

 

Me: Ok sir. (I exit)

 

When I got back to my office, I called Titilayo’s number. She picked it almost immediately

 

Titilayo: omoolojoibi, don’t be angry for what happened yesterday.

 

Me: (sighs) ok motigbo. How are you?

 

Titilayo: I am fine dear. Just that I’m missing you.

 

Me: I am missing you too. Just that we were not together.

 

Titilayo: that reminds me. You need to call my dad.

 

Me: what happened?

 

Titilayo: he said he wants to speak with you.

Me: ok. Send his number.

 

Titilayo: don’t you have his number?

 

Me: you know that I flashed my phone and all the numbers were gone.

 

Titilayo: ok love… I will (call ends)

 

After she sent the phone number, I dialled it almost immediately.

 

Me: Daddy, good afternoon sir

 

Daddy Titilayo: good afternoon. Please who am I speaking with?

 

Me: My name is Mike Olatunji, Titilayo’s friend

 

Daddy Titilayo: ok, how can I help you?

 

Me: Titilayo was the one that gave me your number to call you sir.

 

Daddy Titilayo: ok……………………………are you the one that finished from OAU?

 

Me: yes sir.

 

Daddy Titilayo: how are you dear?

 

Me: I am fine sir.

 

Daddy Titilayo: that’s good. Where are you?

 

Me: I am in Ibadan.

 

Daddy Titilayo: where?

 

Me: Ile Tuntun area along NIHORT road.

 

Daddy Titilayo: that is very good. What about your parents? And where are they living?

 

Me: both are doing just great and they are living in Ijebu – Ode.

 

Daddy Titilayo: I would like to see you.

 

Me: when and where sir?

 

Daddy Titilayo: I will contact our daughter to tell you when we would meet

Me: ok sir.

 

Daddy Titilayo: I will save your number and call you later.

 

Me: alright sir.

 

Daddy Titilayo: I got to go. Talk with you later

 

Me: bye sir. (Call ends)

 

After the call I saw a message from Kafeeya “We need to see and talk – Love ya”. As I wanted to respond the message, Mercy came inside my office

 

(Switches to pidgin)

 

Mercy: howdy, lover boy?

 

Me: madam, how unadey?

 

Mercy: see me see favour. You dey answer question with question

 

Me: na you sabi. How your pipul?

 

Mercy: demdey o. hope una slept wella for me?

 

Me: I sleep like apako.

 

She wan come for my side where I siddon. Na im I con tell am

 

Me: Mercy makeuna no kobalise me. Pastor Omenkadey SP office and I no wan make

person come enter like that.

 

Mercy: I wan make you sexvice my engine

 

Me: you no well. Abeg, make una come buy food. Hunger dey wire me wella.

 

Mercy: you get food weydeytanda for your front you still dey hungry.

 

Me: Mercy, you wanmakedem use my head fry dried stockfish?

 

Mercy: I bring food come but you go pay.

 

Me: no wahala.

 

(turns to English)

She quickly went to bring the food, shared it and went back to her post. As I wanted to eat, I received a call

 

Me: hello

 

My Pastor: Mike, this is not our agreement

 

Me: Daddy!!! E ma binusimi.

 

My Pastor: you promised that you will be coming for our special programmes but since when you resumed, you never had the time of calling let alone coming for the programme.

 

Me: please daddy I am sorry sir. I promise I won`t fail

 

My Pastor: We are starting the annual 15 days fasting and prayer and I want you to participate in it.

 

Me: ok…..

 

My Pastor: or have you eaten?

 

Me: I am just about to.

 

My Pastor: I would love that you join us.

 

Me: ok. I will suspend the food.

 

My Pastor: how is Sis Titilayo?

 

Me: she`s fine sir.

 

My Pastor: Tell her not to travel anywhere. Because I saw her running and blood was flowing on the ground.

 

Me: ah!!! She told me she was going to Jos for a wedding.

 

My Pastor: I would appreciate it if she cancels the journey.

 

Me: ok daddy. I will tell her right away.

 

As soon as the call ends, I called Titilayo

 

Me: omoele, how are you?

 

Titilayo: I am fine.

 

Me: where are you now?

 

Titilayo: I am in Jos now infact…….. (ends call)

 

Me: hello……. Hello………. Are you there? (no response)

 

I called my Pastor and informed him. He prayed with me and assured me that there wont be problem with her. I tried severally to call her but her number wasn’t going. All through the day, I called her line and chatted with her on Whatsapp. When I got home in the evening, I met Mrs. Adedokun waiting for me. When I entered my apartment, she came to meet me

 

Mrs. Adedokun: what happened to you Accountant?

 

Me: I have been trying to call Titilayo but her number hasn’t been going ever since.

 

Mrs. Adedokun: let me try her number. (she tried calling her) her number is switched off.

 

Me: ok. I will continue trying her.

 

She pulled me to herself and wanted to kiss me. I tried to rebuff her advances but she was “hot”.

 

Me: Ma, have you locked the door?

 

As soon as she went to the door to lock it, I followed behind her. As she was turning the lock, I pulled her to myself and we started kissing each other and removed our clothes. I noticed that she had trimmed down her belly fat and shaved her pu33y. I went for her boob33 and started sucking it. She was moaning heavily and was rubbing my head with her fingers. She dragged me to the table and lay down on the table. I carried her legs and inserted my c^ck into her. I bleeped her for two minutes and I felt that I wanted to cum. I pulled out my c^ck and rested.

 

Mrs. Adedokun: Mike, what happened?

 

Me: nothing.

 

Mrs. Adedokun: why did you stop?

 

Me: I wanted to cum

 

She laughed at me

 

Mrs. Adedokun: you had eaten too much sugar. (she pulled me to herself) don’t worry continue

 

I inserted into her and bleeped her for few minutes. I wanted to pull out when I was about to cum, but she wrapped her legs tightly to my waist and I cummed into her.

 

I tried calling Titilayo before I slept that night but her number wasn’t reachable. As I wanted to sleep I saw a whatsapp notification from Kafeeya

 

Kafeeya: Mike what is happening? I sent a call – me – back in the morning but you didn’t call me back

 

Me: please dear, I am sorry. I ought to have called you.

 

Kafeeya: I’m wet and horny

 

Me: I am damn tired. I wanna sleep

 

Kafeeya: Sleep ke? I feel like having your c^ck in my c^nt

 

Me: can we s3x chat?

 

Kafeeya: sure

 

We s3x chatted for about one hour and I slept off. The following morning, I also tried to call Titilayo but her number wasn’t reachable. I decided to call her Dad

 

Me: Good morning sir

 

Titilayo Dad: Bawoni Mike? Hope you slept well

 

Me: yes sir, I did

 

Titilayo Dad: Mike what do I owe this call?

 

Me: nothing sir. But I have been trying her number since yesterday but it hasn’t been going.

 

Titilayo Dad: well, she said she was going to Jos for a wedding and she had called us that she had left Lokoja….. But, wait o, I heard it over the news that Jos was boiling yesterday

 

Me: mogbe!!!!

 

Titilayo Dad: you said that you have been trying her number since yesterday ba???

Me: yes sir.

 

Titilayo Dad: (perplexed) this is serious. I will continue to try her number. As soon as you get connected to her, please don’t hesitate to inform me

 

Me: okay sir. (call ends)

 

I quickly prepared to go to the office. As soon as I got to the office, I met with Mercy

 

Mercy: how are you Accountant?

 

Me: I am fine dear

 

Mercy: Accountant, orowa

 

Me: what happened?

 

Mercy: I will come and see you in the office.

 

After the devotion, she came to meet me in the office

 

Mercy: Accountant, wahala dey o

 

Me: what happened?

 

Mercy: I didn’t see my period

 

Me: then, go and look for it……. Wait……. Are you telling me that you are…..

 

Mercy: pregnant??? I’m afraid it is so

 

Me: AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mercy: and you are the only one I have been having s3x with

 

Me: mogbe…….mo da’ran (I’m finished) what are we going to do now???

 

Mercy: I will keep the pregnancy

 

Me: I don die (fainted)

 

I woke up on the hospital bed with AP, Receptionist and Mercy staying by my bedside. I wanted to talk but was cautioned to keep quiet. After few hours, when I was able to talk the AP excused the Receptionist and Mercy to have a talk with me

 

TO BE CONTINUED (SEASON 3 EPISODE 21-25)

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