THE CHURCH ACCOUNTANT RATED +18

THE CHURCH ACCOUNTANT SEASON 4 EPISODE 16-20

Me: Jacob Tomiwa Faluyi aka JTF how far?

JTF: I dey o. Mike it has been a long time

Me: yes. I dey Minna now

JTF: wow. You came into Minna and you didn’t tell me. Where exactly are you?

I described the place to him.

JTF: I am currently leading a Patrol Team and we are like a street away. I am coming right away.

As soon as I sighted the Police Van, I started hearing pandemonium in the church. I quickly signalled to him and they came to the church. The culprits were apprehended and PIC was greatly surprised that the Police responded as fast as they could. I followed them to the station to write statements and returned back to the church.

When I got to the church the PIC summoned me

PIC: Mike, I heard that the Police responded at your call

Me: yes sir. Their leader was a friend of mine during NYSC

PIC: did you have the premonition that the thieves will come today?

Me: no sir. When I stepped my foot to the church premises, I was feeling uneasy and I had to make some safety precautions.

Mr. Johnson (Minna): are you sure Accountant?

PIC: I am sure because, he came to meet me that the offering should be kept in my office and not in the counting room.

Everyone commended me for what happened. PIC informed the SP who commended me greatly and prayed for me. As I was preparing to call
Mr. Collins, his call came to my phone

Me: Professor Emeritus in Bleepocolysis

Mr. Collins: Mike the Accountant, bawo ni?

Me: I am fine sir. How is Ibadan?

Mr. Collins: Ibadan is fine just that your “wife” offended me

Me: who sir?

Mr. Collins: Mrs. Adedokun

Me: AH!!!!!! What did she do?

Mr. Collins: she was accusing me of stealing her tithe

Me: Blood of God!!!!!:o

Mr. Collins: if not for the fact that it was someone else that saw the money, even SP didn’t want to believe me

Me: ah!!! Ah!!! Ah!!! Don’t worry sir, I will call her.

Mr. Collins: please call her o. I was trying to be diplomatic to her else, I don’t take jack sh*t from anybody.

Me: e ma binu sir. I will call her.

We talked for some minutes and we ended the call. After the call, I heard a knock on the door.

Me: enter please

When the person entered………………… I was stunned!

Kaffie: Mike, do you want to kill me? Or are you happy if I just fall down and die???

Me: ko ri be (it is not as you think) I just came in from Abuja this morning.

Kaffie: since Friday morning, you didn’t call, no flashing even text message, you didn’t send. Mike it is not fair o

Me: well, ma binu si mi. but what about Jamaal? He ought to be around so that you won’t miss me

Kaffie: you can’t even tell me to sit down

Me: oops sorry. Please sit down. So what about uncle Jamaal?

Kaffie: he also travelled and Mumcee too had travelled since Friday to meet her husband in Abuja. So it was only Sister Perpetua and I were at home.

Me: eeyah. Don’t worry I will be at home this evening.

Kaffie: even if it is 8pm, I will wait for you Mike – Bolaji. So how was your weekend in Abuja?

Me: it was fine (I lied)

Kaffie: if we’d known when you left, I would have told mum and Daddy’s driver to pick you up.

Me: ok…… eeyah……… (Mercy’s call came in. I picked it) mercy my dear sister how are you?

Mercy: lover boy how you dey?

Me: I am fine. How is your sister?

Mercy: well…………they have gone to church when I got home. So I went to join them there. So we just came back from Church.

Me: did you pray for me?

Mercy: I prayed for you and my cvck.

I laughed on the phone.

Kaffie: (jealous) let me speak with that your sister

I gave the phone to her

Kaffie: hello sister

Mercy: hello

Kaffie: are you our sister or……………

Mercy: (laughs) I am his sister from another mother

Kaffie: (relaxes) I am Kafeelat; his landlord’s daughter

Mercy: wow. Kaffie………… he has spoken a lot about you

Kaffie: that I am his girlfriend?

Mercy: nope. Just that you were his good friend and incidentally, your mum and his mum were roommates when in school

Kaffie: wow……… that’s good sister. Where are you?

Mercy: I am in Bida.

Kaffie: wow……………… I would love to see you soon

Mercy: ok ma. I will be expecting that day.

As soon Kaffie handed over the phone to me

Me: my wonderful sister

Mercy: hmmm.is that the girl that guy was speaking about that Friday night?

Me: yes she is the one “I” told you about.

Mercy: hmmm. Mike o ma le di e.

Me: as how?

Mercy: I pity the girl. Inasmuch as I will never share my man with anyone, I will want you to help her.

Me: as how?

Mercy: you will work in such a way that Jamaal and Mariam are busted BUT

Me: but what sis?

Mercy: who is your sis? Or your girl?

Me: it is well.

Mercy: DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH HER

Me: I have heard you. I will call you as soon as I get home.

Mercy: take care dear. Love you

Me: ok. i have heard you. (call ends)

Kaffie: hmmm. So you told your sister about me?

Me: yes I did.

Kaffie: I missed you a lot dear.

Me: I missed you too.

She wanted to say something but she kept quiet. Afterwards, the PIC came to my office

PIC: Accountant, oops I am sorry, you have a visitor

Me: (standing up) Sir I am sorry, she is the daughter of my Landlord.

PIC: ok. I am on my way home

Me: ok sir. I will soon be on my way home. good night sir. i saw him off to the entrance of the church office building and I returned back to the office. when I entered, Kaffie jumped on me and hugged me

Kaffie: I want to kiss you.

Me: please let’s go home. Pastor might come back to the office.

We kissed for a minute and I tidied up and locked the office. When we got outside we saw Sis. Perpetua already impatient

Perpetua: what were you still doing in his office?

Kaffie: I am sorry that I kept you waiting.

The look on Perpetua’s face showed that she didn’t like how Kaffie came to see me in the office. we all went home together. When we got home, we saw that Kaffie’s Mum was back and she was making jest of the 3 of us most especially me. As soon as I entered my apartment that is when I remembered that I should call Mrs. Adedokun. I dialled her number and she picked it almost immediately

Mrs. Adedokun: o ranti mi leni (you remembered me today)

Me: noooo. It is just……….

Mrs. Adedokun: it is just what? Mike, it is just what? You left me alone in Ibadan and you didn’t bother to call me.

Me: I left you in charge of my oga. So that he would take care of you

Mrs. Adedokun: take care of who??? Mike, ma je nki bunu si e (don’t make me angry towards you Mike) what do mean by that mike?

Me: I left you in charge of Professor Collins.

Mrs. Adedokun: and who is Collins?

Me: The Church Accountant in Ibadan. He is Professor Emeritus in Bleepocolysis and Suckinology.

Mrs. Adedokun: Mike, o gbadun (you no well) I am coming to Minna next weekend and I want to see you.

Me: walahi, Sharia I dey…………

Mrs. Adedokun: (laughs) you are not serious. You are making my cvnt to throb always in Ibadan. I tried using dild0s but I wasn’t
satisfied. I always feel to have your cvck.

Me: eeyah. But Ma, what happened in the church today?

Mrs. Adedokun: I want to prove a point to that person you call your oga. I deliberately hid the money so that he would come and beg me for it.

Me: ok……… just be careful ma

Mrs. Adedokun: for what?

Me: he might want to revenge; you know I told you that his wife left him and like a wounded snake…………

Mrs. Adedokun: true – talk+

Me: but wait, hope you want to share my property with him?

Mrs. Adedokun: Mike what do you mean?

Me: I dunno but, as you are jealous, so also am i

Mrs. Adedokun: we shall see who is more jealous

We talked for some minutes more and she promised to soften on Mr. Collins.

Later in the evening, I saw Ms. Perpetua and greeted her. She didn’t respond. I went to meet her

Me: Sis, I am greeting you but you aren’t responding

No response

Me: can I sit beside you?

She indicated the space beside her and I sat down. I opened Facebook on my phone and was going through messages, and I saw the one which Sis. Kafeeya (do you remember her in part 3?). after a while she spoke up

Perpetua: Mike, I am angry at you.

Me: how?

Perpetua: what is between you and Kaffie?

Me: nothing

Perpetua: Are you sure?

Me: yes now. Why did you ask?

Perpetua: nothing.

I kept quiet and continued browsing. I replied Kafeeya message and surprisingly, Kaffie chatted with me on whatsapp

Kaffie: what’s up dear?

Me: I am fine

Kaffie: the house is boring and I felt like talking to someone

Me: eeyah. What about Jamaal?

Kaffie: I have been chatting with him and he hasn’t been responding. I even called his line but he is not picking up

Me: why will he pick up when he is with Mariam (in my mind) he might be somewhere very important.

Kaffie: but at least he would have sent an SMS

Me: eeyah. It is well.

When I was chatting with Kaffie, Kafeeya came online

Kafeeya: bawo ni Mike?

Me: what’s up? It had been a long time

Kafeeya: you never wanted to contact me again; that’s why you just abandoned me abi?

Me: no. it isn’t like that. I deliberately changed my line so that people won’t be able to contact me

Kafeeya: o ga ooo. How are you?

Me: I am fine. And how is Abuja?

Kafeeya: Abuja is fine; although I have been transferred to Minna.

Me: Minna??? I have been transferred to Minna

Kafeeya: so, what you are telling me is that you are no longer in Ibadan?

Me: yes ma’am.

Kafeeya: I thought I will never see you again but as you can see, we will see each other.

Me: wow. How is Praise?

Kafeeya: she’s fine; although, she misses you a lot. When we got to Abuja she fell sick for three weeks. It was until one day I was scrolling through your pictures on facebook.com, she saw your picture, asked after you and immediately there was improvement.

Me: hmmm. Odikwa serious.

Kafeeya: and since then she had wanted to see you.

Me: thank God; I will be able to see “my daughter”

Kafeeya: je ki Baba e gba e mu (if her father catches you). so how is your wife?

Me: I am not married o

Kafeeya: I mean the lady you went to meet in Ilorin?

Me: that was the reason why I changed my number and location.

Kafeeya: hmmm. That’s serious. Eni ti o ni fila o ngbadura and eni ti o sin i fila o nfi fila re sere. (the person that doesn’t have a cap is praying to get one while the one that have a cap is playing with it)

I was so engrossed in the chat till when I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I looked up, it was Perpetua looking at me with tear – filled eyes

Perpetua: come with me into my apartment.

I followed her to her apartment. As soon as I was sitting down a call came from an unknown number. When I picked it, I discovered it was Kafeelat!

Kaffie: don’t say a word. I saw you going inside Perpetua’s residence. What the h3ll are you doing there?

As I wanted to respond, she ended the call.

Perpetua: Bolaji, I am sorry to be unnecessary jealous. Mo ro wipe o n ba Kaffie l’ajosepo ni mo se wuwa si e lat’enkan (I thought you and Kaffie are already having sex that was why I’ve been reacting since when we were in church)

Me: mi o mo bi awo ibe ti ri mi o de tun mo boya igbo kun ibe tabi o n dan……………… (I don’t know the colour of her pv33y, and I don’t know if the place is bushy or skin – clean)

Perpetua: onisokuso ni e (you are too raw)

Me: emi ke. I am holier than Moses……… but, ti n mba gba idi yin (if I spank your a$$……)

Pereptua: atari ajanaku ni, kii s’eru omode (you’re a small boy)

Without warning, I pulled her to myself and we kissed each other for some minutes. After a while, we broke the kiss when we heard the sound of Perpetua’s phone.

Collins
When I got home, I saw my Neighbour and his wife. I greeted them and entered my apartment. The day went uneventful except when the kids came to my place and I had a hell of time trying to control them. Later in the night around 9.45pm, I received a call from an unknown number

Me: hello

Stranger: it is me your neighbour.

Me: good evening sir.

Neighbour: e jo e wa s’odo wa bayii (please come to our apartment immediately).

I went to their apartment and when I entered, I saw that the husband and the wife were glued together unclad

Neighbour: e jo, a ni’lo iranlowo yin (please bro Collins we need your help)

As I wanted to raise alarm, he made signs that I should not raise any alarm. He gave me instructions and I called his baba which gave us the antidote to the jazz. We did it and both of them were freed. As soon as they were freed I turned my back to allow my neighbour and his wife to dress up. As soon as they were dressed, my neighbour’s wife pounced in him and raised the alarm

Neighbour’s wife: e gbami lowo okunrin t’o fe pami o. (please help me o, this man want to kill me)

Everybody gathered.

Neighbour’s wife: eni’bi lokunrin yii. Se mo wipe o fi magun  le mi lara ni’jo oni; o tun ro ‘pe ma tun ba okunrin mi sun. (this man is evil. Do you know that he had laced me with Magun and now he thought I will be sleeping with another man)

Everybody tried to pacify her but all to no avail. When I stepped out, I went to meet her

Me: e fi daddy sile (Pls leave daddy alone)

Neighbour’s wife: (protesting) mi o ni fi won sile. ( I wont leave him alone)

Me: e jo e fi won sile. (Pls just leave him alone ma)

She reluctantly left him but said

Neighbour’s wife: ti o ba ni’fe ara e, ma sun n’u ‘le lale yii (if you love yourself, don’t sleep inside this house tonight)

I took him to my apartment and told him to stay there. Then i went to meet her and took her inside. As soon as we entered, I hugged her

Me: e ba ti ma pariwo bayen (you shouldn’t have shouted like that)

Neighbour’s wife: (burst into tears) uncle, e mo nnkan ti o sele. T’o ba je ‘pe e tete wole ni, bi awon eeyan se ma ri ihoho wa; and bi awon eeyan se ma fi wa s’esin ni yen. (do you know what; if you haven’t come in on time, that’s how people will see us unclad, and that will be a big disgrace)

I petted her and returned to my apartment. When I got there, I confronted the man

Me: kilode ti e fi se bayen? (why did you do like that sir?)

Neighbour: mi o se nkankan fun iyawo mi. nitori nigba ti mo de, a jo kuro ninu yara fun wakati meta. (I didn’t lace my wife with anything. We were together for more than 3 hours)

Me: but, se e fura pe won fi nkankan si yin lara? (but, didn’t you suspect that you were laced?)

Neighbour: ah!!!!!!!!!!!! Mo ranti, mo ranti, mo ranti. Nigba ti mo n bo si Ibadan, mo ya si Apata. (yes!!!!! I remember. I went to Apata immediately I came to Ibadan)

Me: s’e e mo eeyan s’Apata? (do you know anyone in Apata?)

Neighbour: ibeni iyawo keji ngbe (yes the 2nd wife stays there)

Me: ah!!!!! Jesu!!!!! Ejo e ma binu sir; kilen fi iyawo meta nse?

Neighbour: hmm oro po n’u ‘we kobo

We both went into their apartment and we begged his wife. She later agreed that she would allow him to sleep in the house but he won’t sleep with her in the room. the following morning, I saw my neighbour and he greeted me warmly. After seeing him off to the junction, I decided to go to the ATM opposite Ologuneru Police Station to withdraw some money. When I got there, I saw a lady withdrawing from the other machine.

Me: what could bring a beautiful woman to withdraw this early morning?

Stranger: (facing me) are you talking to me?

Me: yes ma’am. You such a beauty!

Stranger: thanks

Me: I am Collins Ajidara and you are………

Stranger: Blessing Bamidele

Me: Ms. or Mrs.?

Blessing: Mrs.

We talked for a minute or two. Then the machine rejected her card because it has expired. She was lamenting on how she would survive the weekend when I withdrew 5k more than what I wanted to withdraw. I gave her but she was protesting

Me: Ma, please take it. I know it is small compared to what you wanted but at least it will defray some cost of expenses till Monday.

Blessing: hmmm. Thanks a lot. I am sincerely grateful.

Me: consider it as your name from God

We both laughed.

Me: can I contact you?

Blessing: don’t worry. Just give your account details and I will refund the money back to you.

Me: don’t worry. Or would you like a lunch date tomorrow?

Blessing: ah!!!!! I am sorry, I am married.

Me: I know (showing her my ring – finger); so are you free now???

She hesitated for a while but later agreed. We exchanged contacts and I promised to call her. When I got home, I called my neighbour’s wife and sat her down.

Me: mo ma n ri wipe e kii lo s’oja abi shop; mo ri wipe iba owo ti oko yin ba send ni e ma fi “survive” titi di igba ti won ba de. Mi o wa comfortable pelu e and mo ri wipe gbogbo nnkan ti o n ba sele ladugbo ati nile n’on ma n bere lowo yin. Ko daa be. Mo wa daro pe kaka ti e fi ma joko sile, ma fun ni egberun lona aadota ki e fi bere okoowo ti e ba yan laayo. Sugbon, e ma dapada laarin osu merin. (I observed that you don’t go to shop/market. Because the money your husband sends to you is the one you always use for your upkeep till he comes back. I am uncomfortable with that arrangement and I suggest that instead of sitting at home, I will give you 50k to start – up a business. But you will return it in four months time)

As soon as I finished what I was saying, I gave her the envelope and left. She was crying in her apartment but I didn’t care to go and check on her. When I was about entering my apartment, Oge came and meet me

Oge: what happened to your wife?

Me: who is the wife that you gave me?

Oge: Mummy Adijat

Me: you no well at all.

Oge: (moving close to me) don’t you think I don’t know what is going on between you two?

Me: how??? Where and when???

Oge: ten days ago, when both of you were in the kitchen, I saw you guys having a quickie

Me: WHAT???

Oge: continue to shout and I will expose you

Me: Oge, what do you want???

Oge: nothing much……… I heard you work as The Church Accountant. So 10,000 monthly is not too much for a start.

Me: JESU!!! Ah!!!!!

Oge: I have your pictures that I took that night as evidence.

Me: Oge, 10,000 is too much…………

Oge: then I will go to your church and report you to your pastor and………

I pulled her into my apartment and kissed her.

Oge: do you think that will solve it???

Me: (kneeling down) Oge please let it be a secret between both of us. 10,000 monthly is too much na!!! biko, ehn……. Ifunnaya………

Oge: (smiles) I was just pulling your legs o. but to be candid, I saw both of you having sex in the kitchen. You ought to have done it in a secluded place not in the kitchen. I know you are bad, but who knew which person in this house gave her husband information about your sexcapedes.

Me: it is true………

Oge: but you go settle me o

Me: in cash or………..

Oge: in cash o

We kissed each other for some minutes and smooched each other. I had to break it up when I remembered that Mummy Adijat was inside the house.

Oge: why did you stop?

Me: I will come into your room tomorrow.

As soon as she left, mummy Adijat came into my room

Mummy Adijat: kini aja yen wa se lodo yin (what is that dog doing in your apartment?)

Me: kilode ti e fi npe ni aja? (why calling her a dog?)

Mummy Adijat: mo ri ti ‘ndinju s’oko mi ni (I saw her winking at my husband)

Me: se awon daddy wa? (is it our daddy?)

Mummy Adijat: eyin ni. (you) (pointing at me)

Me: mi kin se oko yin?

Mummy Adijat: mo ti n bere lowo daddy Adijat pe mo fe beere oko’wo lati ojo yii. Won o dami lohun. Nitori e ni mi o se beere lowo won mo.

Me: ok.

Mummy Adijat: s’e ti fe jeun nisisiyi?

Me: mi o ti se tan.

I tidied up my room and I discovered a charm lying on the floor. It showed that 2 wooden statues were tied backwards to each other. I drew the attention of my neighbour to it and when we separated it, we discovered that our names were written to the back of each statue; then, I took it out and burn it. As I returned back, I saw Oge bringing a food flask for me also I saw Mummy Adijat bringing food flask towards my room too
If you were the one which one will you pick???

Mike
I saw Jamaal coming to our house almost every day. I also discovered that he had access to drive any of Alhaji cars in the compound. Then I realize that Kaffie doesn’t have the time to relate with me. I felt very relieved because I was able to concentrate on my transport business and office work. Perpetua was always on the road almost every three days and whenever she was around, a guy always come to pay her visit. So in that house, I was very relieved. Mercy had returned to Badagry to stay with her parents. I was trying to connect with Kafeeya but she also had not been reachable. One fateful day, I went to an eatery and I met Jamaal and 2 of his friends talking. I dodged them so that they won’t see me

Friend 1: Jamaal you don hit am big time. you scope the girl say mek im papa use you as one of his company directors

Jamaal: I no tell you? I yan say mek I enter that girl heart, dem everything don become mine.

Friend 2: but have you gotten to the “Promised land”???

Jamaal: No. she be virgin.

They all laughed.

Friend 1: I hope say she no dey use your head do dindondin or she wan convert am to vegetable1 to eventually turn am to Okikioluwa. You no know say another pesin go dey shine her Congo and she go dey pretend say she be faajin. Faajin ko faaji ni

Jamaal: her friend don dey give me Congo shine. And na dat her friend I wan marry put for house

All: hmmm.

They left the eatery but not until when I heard about my case

Jamaal: e get one bobo wey dey live for dem house. The guy sabi fvckk woman like and the woman go dey shout like say dem dey molest am.

All of them laughed.

Friend 1: hope say im no dey sexvice Kaffie?

Jamaal: I don dey format the girl brain say the guy na one bloody gold digger make im no dey give am chance.

Friend 2: na sure guy you be.

When they left I was shocked because this was a guy that is respected in their house and it will be appalling if he succeeds. I entered the eatery, bought what I wanted to buy and went back to the office. when I got to the office I composed a sweet, romantic and powerful SMS to Kaffie and sent it to her with my other line. She called back

Kaffie: Jamaal why are you sending an SMS with another line

Me: it is not Jamaal, it is Mike.

Kaffie: (hisses) what do you want Mike?

Me: what did I do Kaffie? Why is it that you just decided to always ignore me at home?

Kaffie: you don’t know what you did ba?

Me: I don’t know Kaffie except you tell me

Kaffie: ok……… wait I am using my airtime to call you………

Me: let me call you back.

I called her back

Me: I am all ears

Kaffie: since that day you went to Perpetua’s apartment, I have sworn that I will not have anything to do with you. Because, I couldn’t imagine me sharing my man with another woman.

Me: but I am not your man Kaffie; Jamaal is.

Kaffie: Mobolaji, I LOVE YOU. I had fallen in love with you the very first day I set my eyes on you in Ibadan. That day you said that I was using style toast you; I was really sincere with my intentions.

Me: hmmm. Do you know what?

Kaffie: what Mike/Bolaji?

Me: as soon as I get home let’s talk.

Kaffie: I don’t think it will……….

Me: I insist.

Kaffie: ok. bye

I tidied up what I was doing in the office and by closing time, I sped with light home. When I got home, I freshened up and call her. She came to the garden shed and we sat there

Me: Kaffie I am deeply sorry for what has been happening. To be candid, I only thought you were joking.

Kaffie: whenever I think of you, whenever I see you, whenever I hear your voice, my heart melts. Even there was a day that it almost caused quarrel between Jamaal and I. and I couldn’t now imagine that you and Perpetua will be having sexual relationship under my nose.

Me: if you had known the number of girls I have fvckked (in my mind) haba! I won’t do that.

Kaffie: also that day, you stopped chatting with me and since that time you never chatted with me.

Me: Jesus of Okrika!!!! Ma binu si mi. You are justified for being angry.

I remembered that it had been long I chatted with her! I begged her and cooed her with sweet words; afterwards

Kaffie: if you break my heart again, I will kill you

Me: I know you are joking

Kaffie: lets see.

As we were gisting, Kafeeya call came in

Me: Kafayatu

Kafeeya: I have told you not to be calling me Kafayatu

Me: how are you? I have been trying your number but it hasn’t been reachable

Kafeeya: yes. MTN blocked my line and I went through a lot to have it registered

Me: eeyah. How is praise?

Kafeeya: she is fine. Infact she is the reason why I called you.

Me: what happened to her?

Kafeeya: nothing happened. She just wants to see you.

Me: put her on the phone.

I spoke with Praise for some time then she handed over the phone to her mum

Kafeeya: Mike I missed your cvck

Me: Sharia dey where I am o.

Kafeeya: so you want to tell me that you haven’t tasted any cvnt when you came to Minna

Me: e ma je’gba. I will report you to HISBAH Police immediately.

Kafeeya: you are not serious. I called to say hi.

Me: I will call you tomorrow unfailing.

Kafeeya: ok dear. Love you

Me: ok

Kafeeya: respond nau

Me: my regards to your people. (call ends)

Kaffie: is she also one of my rivals?

Me: yesssssssss. Infact they are 30

Kaffie: nigba ti won fe ku

We talked for more than three hours and as I wanted to stand up to go and prepare dinner, a call came into her phone. She handed over the phone to me when she saw the screen

Kaffie: tell him I am in prayers

I picked the call

Jamaal: Kaffie baby

Me: this is Bolaji. Good evening

Jamaal: Bolaji my guy how are you doing?

Me: I am fine.

Jamaal: what about her?

Me: she went in to observe her prayers and she left her phone with me.

Jamaal: ok. tell her that she should get prepared for me tonight.

Me: I will surely deliver your message.

Jamaal: ok. how is our wife?

Me: she’s fine.

Jamaal: ok bye. (call ends)

I told her what Jamaal told me on the phone. She was downcast

Me: baby why are you downcast?

Kaffie: I didn’t tell you. I am a VIRGIN and I intended keeping it till my wedding night. But he has been pestering me to have sex with him all this while.

Me: CHECKMATE!!!!!! You have answered my question at last

Kaffie: what is checkmate?

Me: you said the other time that I should find out if really you were a virgin

Kaffie: ah!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don expose my secret………

We both laughed.

Me: you will look for a pad, stain it with diluted blackcurrant and you wear it tonight telling him that your period just came rushing tonight.

Kaffie: so Mike, you are this BAD

Me: no be so you girls dey do?

We parted for the night and when I entered my apartment I buzzed kolade up

Me: Kolly Badoo my fweend

Kolade: Mike you reach Minna, you forget your guy

Me: ma binu simi.

Kolade: Oga Van Danme. I heard what happened in your church

Me: I was really surprised. I am still surprised.

Kolade: oga o. what about your wife?

Me: who?

Kolade: your wives over there?

Me: you no well. I want you to advise me on something?

Kolade: werrin happen?

Me: do you know Mercy, our former cleaner?

Kolade: yes……… your wife in Ibadan?

Me: sure. She came to Minna some weeks ago.

Kolade: Mickey!!!!!!! O tun la ‘be?

Me: you no well.

I narrated what happened and what Mercy said to him

Kolade: hmmm. You have to thread softly.

Me: the problem is my landlord’s daughter toast me herself

Kolade: handsome bobo………… let me teach you some strategies.

He narrated how I should go about the issue

Kolade: no be say pepper go land, you go forget your guy. Ma pa’go lori e (I will break bottle for ya head)

I appreciated him and I promised that I will contact him. As I wanted to sleep, I was feeling hor*y. Perpetua called me from outside

Perpetua: Mike, please come and help me change the bulb in my sitting room

I left there and entered her apartment. When I entered, I changed it for her. As I was about leaving, she threw a question at me

Perpetua: why are you avoiding me all this while?

Me: your guy always comes here; so you are no longer lonely

Perpetua: is that why you don’t want to be checking on me ba? Or is it Kaffie that told you not to come to my place?

Me: how will Kaffie tell me not to come to your apartment? You are funny.

I noticed that Perpetua wore a micro – nightie and it was transparent. I was seeing her bvvbs and she wore red panties. My cvck responded with full force. She saw my bulge and smiled coyly.

Perpetua: will you be going now?

I went to meet her and kissed her. She was surprised but reciprocated. I cupped her bvvbs and squeezed it. A soft moan escaped from her mouth. I stopped and turned to go home. She pulled me back and kissed me. After some minutes, we broke from the kiss and I went out of her apartment. She came to meet me outside

Perpetua: why did you leave?

Me: I don’t want to break someone’s heart.

Perpetua: and who is that?

Me: Kafeelat

Perpetua: are you guys dating each other?

Me: yes.

Perpetua: (hisses) both of you are not serious. (She sat beside me) do you think both of you will marry? Or do you think her Dad will allow you, a Christian and a Yoruba to marry his daughter? Stop that disillusionment.

Me: all the same, I don’t want to fcuk you too

Perpetua: hmmm. (Lowered voice) When you cupped my bvvbs, I thought you wanna “play”; but I was disappointed when you stopped

Me: Perpetua, if we were not living in this place, I can proceed but………

Perpetua: ok. I understand.

We talked in hushed tones for some minutes then I confessed my atrocities but I didn’t mention names. Thereafter, she left for her apartment. When I entered my apartment, I saw several whatsapp notifications from Kaffie, Kafeeya and an unknown international number. I responded to Kaffie and Kafeeya but the international line I didn’t respond. After a while, I slept off.

Collins
The following day while in office I received a call

Stranger: is that Mr. Collins Ajidara?

Me: yes I am

Stranger: my name is Jude from Knoxville Technologies in Lagos. You submitted proposal for consultancy job in our organization. Your presence is urgently needed in our office tomorrow.

Me: Ok sir. I will be in Lagos tomorrow

Jude: we will be expecting you.

Me: ok sir. Thanks. (call ends)

When the call was ended I went to the SP to inform him on my trip to Lagos. As soon as I returned from his office, my phone rang. When I checked on the screen, it was Jane

Jane: Mr. Collins, na wa for you. You ran away from part 2 and 3 abi?

Me: not that. I have been busy lately.

Jane: or is it that other ladies are competing for space there?

Me: emi ke? I have been on sabbatical since that day.

Jane: accountant, I want to see you today

Me:  that can’t be possible today. I am going to Lagos by first light tomorrow. So I have to prepare for that trip tonight.

Jane: ok. What about tomorrow evening.

Me: well…………… let’s see how tomorrow will be.

Jane: I will be expecting you. (call ends)

As soon as I was through in the office for the day, I went home. When I got home, I met nobody outside. I entered my apartment and went to shower. As I got to the bathroom, I knocked and no one responded. When I opened the door, I saw that mummy Adijat was inside the bathroom shaving her pu33y. she pulled me in and locked the door.

Mummy Adijat: e do mi. (please fcuk me)

I turned her to face the window. I carried her hips up a bit and guided my Opa – Mose into her pu33y. I fcuked and cummed into her after some minutes. I pulled out and took my shower and left for my room. When I entered my apartment, Oge followed me in

Oge: Collins, how are you today?

Me: I am fine.

Oge: (moves closer to me) I heard you fcuking mummy Adijat in the bathroom and I want my share NOW or………

Me: or what??? Look here, I am tired and I need to rest

Oge: (laughed) well, be expecting trouble from her husband soon. (she turns to leave)

Me: (pulls her back) please don’t implicate me.

Oge: I will be coming by 9pm tonight

Me: hmmm. Ok. (she left)

As soon as she left, I was concerned

What the hell have I dragged myself into?
Why is it that my Opa – Mose wants to implicate me?
Why? Why?? Why???

As soon it was 9pm, NEPA took off the light and everywhere was quiet except the sound of music other tenants were playing on their phones. I was already sleeping when I felt a touch on my legs. I woke up with a start. I saw Oge

Oge: you are already sleeping

Me: hmmm. I had to because I am making a journey tomorrow morning

Oge: to where?

Me: Lagos

Oge: ok. Have you eaten tonight?

Me: I ate akara and bread.

Oge: that is not food.

She stood up went to the door and lock it. She came back to where I lay down. She started stroking my laps. I resisted the urge at first but when she saw that I wasn’t cooperating with her, she pushed her hands further to my upper thigh. My Opa – Mose sprang to life as if it was waiting for further command. She removed it from my boxer, and started stroking it. I felt I was in cloud 13. She then increased her tempo and the feeling was building up. When she felt that my Opa – Mose was hardening, she took out ice – cubes she brought and poured some cold water to my Opa – Mose. Immediately it went flaccid. She started stroking it again and it hardened. She used her lips to caress the cap. It sent shivers down my spine and I had to bit my lips so as not to moan out loud. Before I could say jack, she took my Opa – Mose into her mouth and started sucking it. She was sucking it and at the same time she was pulling my balls. After some minutes, she stopped and rested.

Oge: it is now your turn

I took her Weapons of Mass Defence and started sucking the nippl3s. as I was doing that, I wanted to use one of my hand to rub her pvssy. She slapped my hands from her. Then I went to her clavicle and started rubbing it (The clavicle bone is the one that starts the rib – cage, which is joined to the arm joint). She let out a soft moan and lurch her head backward. I went for her neck and used my tongue to rub diagonally on her neck. She was rubbing my head with her hands and was moaning softly. Then I tried launching again with my hands to her pvssy. This time her resistance gave way and I was able to insert a finger to her pvssy. I was rubbing on her Weapon of Mass Defence and the other hand was finger – fcuking her she grinded and whined her waist in the rhythm and was moaning. Then I went for her pvssy and started sucking it as if I was trying to suck out marrow from a bone. She was saying incomprehensible words. Then she stiffened and a whitish substance came from her pvssy.

Oge: Collins, you don kee me.

I smiled. Then I sat on the chair and she sat on me (as if I was lapping her), guided my Opa – Mose into her and I started fcuking her. I held her Weapon of Mass Defence from the back and started squeezing it. We were at that position for some minutes, and then, she stood up, pulled me up and she knelt down on the chair. I guided my Opa – Mose into her pv$$y. I was teasing her with the cap of my Opa – Mose and she wanted me to fully insert my Opa – Mose into her. I grabbed her Weapon of Mass Destruction and I drilled into her fully. I pounded her like there was no tomorrow. She was moaning loudly assshhhhhhh…………uuuusssssshhhhhh…………omygodomgodomygod…………yesssssssss……daaaammmnnnn………… I felt her veejay walls tightening and she made a shrill cry and went limp. I wasn’t satisfied yet; then in her laying down position, I entered her in the missionary position. After a few thrusts, she clawed my back and held my bum – bum and I fired on. Some minutes later, I felt my balls ready to launch the missiles. I pulled out and fired the rocket to “outer fly zone”.

After some minutes that we rested

Oge: Collins, so you’re this bad.

Me: I am a gentle man to d core.

Oge: no wonder Mummy Adijat always like to have a taste of your cvck

Me: you are not serious.

She laughed as the door was unlocked and was opened

Mummy Adijat: Brother Collins, kini eleyi? (what is this?)

Oge hissed and turned her Weapon of Mass Destruction

Me: e ma lo. Ma s’alaye fun yin lola (please go. I will explain to you tomorrow)

Mummy Adijat: kini isokuso wo le n so nissiyi? (what rubbish are you saying now?)

Oge: tell her to leave us nau!

Mummy Adijat: Collins, se mi o ti so wipe k’o ma ni nkankan se pelu aja yii? (didn’t I tell you that you shouldn’t have anything to do with this slvt)

Oge: tani aja ninu awa mejeji? Iwo ti o wa ni’le oko e ti o si tun ya’le (who is a slvt between the two of us? You that you are having extra – marital affairs in your husband house)

Mummy Adijat: aja ni y’o je’nu e. (facing me) Collins, o disappoint me gan. O n bami ati Oge lo po ninu ‘le yii? Abi, se mi o te lorun ni? (you are fcuking Oge and I in this house. Am I not ok for you?)(she burst into tears)

Me: SHUT UP YOU TWO. Kilo nse eyin mejeji? Even ti mba ba eyin mejeji lo po, kileko ti o fe ko wa? Infact, eyin mejeji e kuro lodo mi bayi (what’s wrong with both of you? even if I am fcuking both of you, who cares? Infact, the two of you should leave my place now!)

Oge: I know you are joking

Me: (facing Oge) I am dead serious

Oge stood up, wore her shorts and took her shirt.

Oge: mo fe je ko ye eyin mejeji (pointing to both mummy Adijat and I) emi ni mo so fun Daddy Adijat wipe Mummy Adijat ti n y’ale. So emi naa wa to nnkan ti mummy Adijat nje lodo Collins. (I want both of you to understand that I was th one that reported her to her husband. So, I came to taste what Mummy Adijat has been eating) (facing me) Collins I will get back at you soonest. (she left the room)

Mummy Adijat looked at me and left.

I locked the door and sat down

What have I done?

The following morning, I prepared and went to Lagos. On my way I called Ndidi if we could meet today. She was delighted and she sent her address. When I got to the office where I was being called to come and defend the proposal. When I got there, I was delayed for more than 3 hours. I used that opportunity to check up on an old friend living three streets away. At exactly that time, I was at the place where I was to see Mr. Jude. As I was ushered in, apart from Mr. Jude, I saw ……………

Mr. Jude: Good morning Mr. Collins

Me: good morning Sir; good morning ma’am

Oge kept quiet.

Mr. Jude: we saw your proposal and we were pleased with it. And the Management of the company has decided to give you the job. However, there will be a reduction of 0.35million from the charges you are negotiating with us.

Me: so the service charge will be 3.10million instead of 3.45million

Mr. Jude: yes of course.

Me: (thought for a while) ok I accept the offer

Oge: Jude, what is he going to do?

Mr. Jude: he is to supply all the consumables to be used in the new office complex for the next three years.

Oge: Ok. That’s good. (facing me) will you be able to deliver on right time? Or will you divert the money to another thing?

Me: no ma’am. I will deliver on time with the right specifications.

Oge: no problem. (facing Jude) Jude dear, I like him for his straight – forwardness.

Mr. Jude: I will give you a note to go and give them at the accounts section so that your cheque will be processed for payment

Me: thank you sir.

Mr. Jude: for my angel to have approved you, please don’t fail o

Me: (with all smiles) I will surely deliver. I promise (facing her) thank you ma

Oge: can I have your contact Mr. Collins? (I gave it to her)

As soon as I left the office she called me

Oge: don’t think I have forgotten what happened. I will still skin you alive. (call ends)

I tried calling her back but she wasn’t picking my calls. Then I went to Abeokuta to meet Ndidi. I had a nice time with her and I returned back to Ibadan. When I got back to Ibadan, I decided to while away time before going home. When I got home late at night, I entered my apartment and locked my door. I was already sleeping when I heard a knock on my door.

Me: who is that?

Mummy Adijat: emi ni. (It’s me)

I reluctantly opened the door for her

Me: ki le fe? (What do you want?)

Mummy Adijat: Collins, mo fe da owo ti e fun mi pada (I want to return the money you gave me)

Me: emi o fun yin nitori pe mo fe gba nkankan lowo yin; Mo fe fi ran yin lowo (I didn’t give you because I want to collect anything from you; I want to use it to help you)

Mummy Adijat: sugbon…………

Me: e wo, mo fe sun. a ma ri’ra lola (please ma, I wasn’t to sleep. We will talk tomorrow)

I closed the door and went to sleep. The following morning, I prepared and left the house before daylight. When o got to the office, I was summoned by the Senior Pastor. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked

SP: I went to the bank yesterday and I discovered that 5 million Naira is missing from the Income Account

Me: Ah!!!! I don’t know sir. Let me call our Account Officer to check and verify.

I took my phone and called Jane. It was picked in the 3rd ring

Me: Jane, what happened to our income account?

Stranger: Please who is speaking?

Me: my name is Collins; I am the National Accountant for Centre for Faith and Liberty and I am speaking from Idi – Ishin.

Stranger: My name is Joshua from Compliance in Jane’s Bank.

Me: ok. But what happened? The Senior Pastor of my Church complained that 5million Naira was missing from the Church Account.

Joshua: I was sent to investigate a case of fraud on some accounts. Jane was accused in collaboration with some other members of staff in their branch defrauded to the tune of 67million Naira

Me: WHAT???

Joshua: though we discovered that your Church Account was affected, but later she was exonerated.

Me: ok. I will relay the same to the Senior Pastor.

Joshua: Please tell him that the money will be returned soonest.

Me: ok. Thanks.

I relayed what happened to SP and he was happy. Thereafter, he said that I should ensure that the money was returned. When I got to the office, I saw that my Neighbour’s wife was waiting for me at the door. She wanted to talk but I hushed her and we went inside the office

Me: kini e wa se ni’biyii? (what did you come and do here?)

Mummy Adijat: mo wa ri yin ni sir (I came to see you sir)

Me: fun kini? At least, mo mo wipe aja ni mo ** ni’jeta (for what? At least I knew I fcuked a dog two nights ago)

Mummy Adijat: hmmm. O dun mi nnkan ti e se. (what you did was painful)

Me: well, kile fe ri mi fun? (so, what do you want to see me for?)

Mummy Adijat: mo wa da owo ti e fun mi pada. (I want to refund your money back)

Me: (smiles) mi o gba pada. mo yonda e patapata. (I am giving it to you with all my heart)

Mummy Adijat: (kneeling down) e se pupo. Alaanu o ni won yin…………

Me: e ma worry ma. E dide. (stand up)

Mummy Adijat: o wumi ki n di mo yin (I wish to hug you…..)

Me: ah!!! Ibi’se mi ni mo wa (I am in the office)

Mummy Adijat: ok. ki e mura yin sile ni’le lale yii (prepare well tonight)

Me: eyin le mo. (na you sabi)

The day went on with snail speed. When it was closing time, as I was about leaving, the SP called me

SP: Accountant, we are going somewhere this evening!

Mike
The relationship between Kaffie and I grew stronger by the day and I was also mindful of Jamaal and his antics. One day while in the office, she showed up unannounced

Kaffie: what’s up love?

Me: I’m good

Kaffie: come and show me some love jor

I reminded her that I was in the office.

Kaffie: Bolaji, there is a problem?

Me: what is it dear?

Kaffie: we will be going to the village by April ending for Nikkah.

Me: between you and Jamaal?

Kaffie: yes. But to be honest, it is you that I want to marry

Me: hmmm. Kaffie, do you know what the issue is?

Kaffie: what?

Me: I am a Christian, working in the Church and I am Yoruba. Your dad is a staunch muslim. So it is not possible for us to get married.

Kaffie: no Mike. I love you and I want to marry you.

As I wanted to respond, a call came to my phone. When I saw the screen, it was Mercy

Me: Hello Mercy

Mercy: o ga fun e. you don’t pick my calls any longer and you don’t return my calls.

Me: please I am sorry. I have been busy all this while.

Mercy: how is my girl; I mean Kaffie?

Me: she’s fine. She’s even here with me.

Kaffie: let me speak with my sister

I gave the phone to her

Kaffie: what’s up sis?

Mercy: I am fine o. longest time

Kaffie: so how is Bida?

Mercy: well Kaffie, I have returned to Badagry

Kaffie: eeyah. Please sister I want you to do a favour for me.

Mercy: what sister?

Kaffie: I’m in love with your brother

Mercy: WHAT??? WITH MIKE???

Kaffie: are you surprised?

Mercy: he never told me that you guys are dating.

Kaffie: he is a naughty boy. Well I want you to prevail on him. He is telling me that we can’t marry because I’m Nupe and a Muslim and he is a Yoruba and a Christian.

Mercy: hmmm. It will be hard. This is because here in the South West, we don’t bother much about the religion. But in the Northern part of the country, religion is of more paramount importance.

TO BE CONTINUED

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